Dear My First …

Boyfriend (unless we are including the boyfriends I made in primary school)…

Looking back now you seem like a million and one years ago. I dont even know if you need a letter at this stage but you seemed to be the right place to begin my journey.

I want to shout YOU BROKE MY HEART , but

Continue reading “Dear My First …”
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Formalities

After reading multiple blogs to set the motions on the direction of my very own blog, have come to the conclusion I need to introduce.

Hello guys , I am 24 years old . I am in a cohabitating lesbian relationship. I am a mixed race. I am a manager. – statements and labels that COULD define me.

At this current stage I cant confidently confirm what my preference of labels would be. However during this pandemic I have had the privilege on time for reflection and self improvement. I could only be getting closer to finding out my true identity (If we ever really do find our true identity).

Ive recently read an article on self help / therapy during Lockdown, one recommending writing letters containing any negative, unresolved and unsaid feelings. The author of the article suggesting that to burn these letters in turn burns and releases any pain from old wounds and dark days. A concept and idea that has been floating around my mind for a few days with the contributing factors of blast from the past covering the pages of all my social medias. Grief. And reminiscing.

I eventually realised that I was inspired by the idea of putting unresolved wounds to rest via words. However I was strongly conflicted by the idea of burning these heartfelt letters ; I may have gained from the closure but what about the ones I have done wrong ? , Does burning the letters mean burning the feelings ? After the letters are burned can I live with the disappointment of the pain remaining?

I am a strong believer of everything happens for a reason ( I even have this tattooed on me) therefore I would hate to destroy any memory / feeling I have experienced as this is all part of my very own butterfly experience. I would also like the chance as an adult with improved communication skills and understanding of myself to be heard by anyone that would like to listen.

This is where I will start my blogging journey , letters to those Ive wronged , hurt , loved and love.

I am …

…still unsure as to why I am attempting to begin this journey of blogging , but lets see how this goes.

Why a butterfly ? From a young age the life cycle of a caterpillar to butterfly fascinated me , I could not apprehend the ability for one small creature to alter itself in such a huge way. Well now I am entering real life adulthood the caterpillar to butterfly transition doesnt appear as unrealistic as it did to 5 year old me.

As far as my journey , I am still unsure to what wisdom I have gained along the way that could possibly be of any interest or use to any one but I am willing to give this a try .

… after all

we are in lockdown.