… A Reply From A Letter …

Wow.. that was a lot. I just want you to know that I am beyond devastated for how everything went down and I am so unbelievably sorry that this is how you felt!

I don’t think I ever took a step back to see what a mess my life was turning into long enough to notice that I was hurting people I cared about and I regret that more than anything! I drunk non stop and popped pills to hide pains that were so deep rooted in me that no amount of anything was ever going to numb me enough.

I cannot tell you how sorry I am that my actions affected you this way. At the time we were so in the moment that everything just blew up and I thought that taking myself away from not only you but the world was the only thing that would make the pain stop, I could have dealt with things better but I didn’t know how to process any of it. I love you so much ,honestly I was just so confused as to what that meant. You were my best friend and I regret ever putting you in a position that you had to question my feelings towards you. You were so hard to read and I thought you were naturally that way inclined with everyone that I didn’t think too much into it at the time and for that I’m apologise. To this day I still say it’s sad how things ended up with us because you were the person I felt most comfortable around and would do anything for.

I have the fondest memories with you and some of the hardest memories of a very difficult time too but I wouldn’t change any of it because it helped us grow and stand as the people we are today. Bettered, grown and maybe even a little bit less broken than we both were. For the difficult experiences in life that mould you as a person you can only ever be grateful and I’m grateful for you as you are, as a friend and as the one I went through some of the hardest times of my life with.

I struggled to ever get you to open up to me and let me help you through the darkness you would rather have faced alone. So I genuinely want to thank you for letting me see your side of things and letting me in on how you feel. I never intentionally wanted to hurt you or affect your life in such a negative way please believe me when I say that because it’s the gods honest truth. I just wasn’t myself and I didn’t recognise what I was doing to people, I hate the person I look back and see.

I would say I’d take back all the bad that happened all them years ago but thats one thing I can’t do. If I could take your pain and put it on my shoulders I’d do it in a heartbeat because it isn’t fair you live with anything I caused. I honestly do believe that people come into your life and things happen to you for a reason and although we did end up going our separate ways after loving and loosing… I will forever be grateful for all the amazing memories we share and for the love we have for one another! You drove me mad at the best of times (like 90% of the time ha) but you were my rock through a very very difficult stage in my life and I will always thank you for that as I know it wasn’t easy. I honestly did try and help you through any hurt and pain you were going through but I guess that never came through, I just wanted what was best for you in life.

I am so proud of how far you have come and how settled you are now! I’m pleased you found someone special to stand by your side and treat you well because that’s all the things you deserve! Although to be honest I never saw you Miss ********** as the settle down type haha. It just goes to show how much you have grown and become one with who you are and what you want in life. I’m over the moon that you are in a better place and I just want you to know that I want you to be able to let go of any hurt towards us and the past I don’t know what you needed from me but I hope just reading this message will clarify that nothing I ever did was ever intended to hurt you. Everything in life will help us on the path we are meant to take, I don’t like hearing that I am any kind of obstacle in your happiness.

I am truly sorry for everything and I know that may not help you or mean anything but I can only speak for the person I am now.

I have always wished you well and prayed that you find happiness, it’s all I ever will do.

Thank you again!

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